How do you see yourself? This is a question many of us would not want to answer. How we see ourself affects the whole aspect of our life, thus, our self-image is very vital in our development as a person. It is the portrait that we carry around in our heart and in our head. Many times I went around thinking that God was not pleased with me. The thought that I would never overcome my past stick to my mind. I often felt like I am a losser, a failure, unlovable, and not as good as other persons around me. I always compared myself to others. Hurtful words that were thrown at me by people always seemed to create paragraphs on my mind and if written on a piece of paper, it could fill the whole sheet of paper making up a short story of how ugly I am, how weak I am, how "unholy" I am, how foolish I am. In short, I had a very poor self-image.
I want to share with you the story of David and Mephibosheth recorded in 2 Samuel 9. Jonathan, son of King Saul, loved David very much and was probably one of his closest friends. After Jonathan and Saul were killed in the battle, God promoted David to be the king over all Israel. Deeply moved with sorrow at the loss of Saul and Jonathan, David asked, "Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan's sake?"
David soon discovered that Jonathan had a son named Mephibosheth, who had become crippled as a child but was still alive. So King David had him brought before him, David said to him, "Don't be afraid, for I will surely show kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table." And Mephibosheth bowed down and said, "What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?" In other words, Mephibosheth was saying, "Why do you want to help me? All I deserve is to crawl around on the floor and lick up the crumbs that fall to the ground. " Mephibosheth compared himself to a dead dog!
Obviously, Mephibosheth had a very poor self-image because he was crippled. As a result, he didn't feel worthy of King David's kindness. For many times, I am like Mephibosheth. I think like Mephibosheth. I act like Mephibosheth. I am not physically crippled but because of my own weaknesses, failures, and shortcomings, I see myself as crippled (or perhaps I am just a foolish person). Because of this condition, I am afraid to start new relationships and venture on new opportunities. I am contained in a box - stagnant and not progressing.
It is so much an encouragement to me that God would want to bless me just as He has blessed for others. But just as David was good to Mephibosheth for Jonathan's sake, God is good to us for Jesus' sake. I realize that God doesn't want us to look everything that is wrong with us or the sins of our past. The more we focus on our failures, the more likely are we to repeat them. I often failed in this area. I just pray to God that He will help me focus unto Jesus Who is the Author and the Finisher of my faith, and not to my past which only hinders my relationship with Him.
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THE FOURSQUARE CHURCH: THE FLAG
