Agent asking the customer to be put on hold:
Tech Agent: Sir, can I hold you for just a minute?
Customer: Sure, baby, go ahead!
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Agent verifying correct spelling:
Agent: Is that a B as in boy, or a B as in Bravo?
Customer: ...uhmmm... how about B as in Boy?
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Technical Agent giving customer support:
Agent: Is the ethernet cord connected?
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with Alabama accent)
Agent: Yung yellow cord kung nakakabit ba!
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Agent from a local phone company entertaining a Visayan customer:
Customer: hillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin??
Agent: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Customer: Hende naman.
Agent: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Customer: Ang alen?
Agent: Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Customer: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
Agent: Di ba sabi mo walang ring?
Customer: Hende! yong BELL! yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!
Agent: aahhh... yung BILL?!
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Technical Agent: To help you out with your concern, ma'am, let me just pull out my tool here, ok? (referring to a computer program used in call centers to address the customer's concerns)
Customer: Pull out your what now?
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Tech Support: Okay, Bob, just type P on your keyboard?
Customer: What? Could you repeat that?
Tech Support: 'P' on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: No way. I'm not going to do that.
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Agent: Sir, that is C for Cubao, Q for Quiapo.....
Customer: What is that?! I dont understand. I don't want to talk to you.
Agent: Who do you want to talk to?
Customer: I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: My supervisor is not available as of the moment sir.
Customer: I said, I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: Ok, you want to talk to the highest person?
Customer: Yes!
Agent: Do you want to talk to God?
Customer: what the f***! I'd rather talk to you.
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Irate Customer: F***k you!
Tech Support: Sir, we're not allowed to say "F***k you!" here...
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Agent: It's C as in CAT.
Customer: what?
Agent: C as in CAT. C-A-T as in meow meow...
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Agent: Thank you for calling us, this is Candy, how may I help you?
Customer: What did you say your name was... Mandy?
Agent: No, sir, it's Candy.
Customer: Sorry, i can't hear ya... didja say Mandy?
Agent: It's Candy sir... Candy... as in Storck.
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Agent: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Customer (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra! like the one in the Goo?!
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Agent: Yeah, sir....hello sir... are you there?
Customer: Yes, sorry. I'm still there.
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Agent: Ok, sir... do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Customer: What?!!
Agent: Oh, Im sorry, sir... i mean, do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?
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Agent: I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please?
Contact: He's not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
Agent: Sure, SIGE..
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Tech support: We're going to perform a check disk to see if your hard drive has errors in it. Please type in C-H-K-D-S-K.
Customer: What is that again?
Tech Support: C-H-K-D-S-K... that is... C as in Charlie... H as in Harley... K as in Karly.. D as in Darley... S as in Sarley... and K as in Karly... got it.
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NEXT ARTICLE:
CALL CENTER SPOOFS PART 2
