Let's start with this one...
Agent: We would need to turn the router and the modem off, can you unplug them both from the power source please?
Customer: Is that necessary?
Agent: Yes sir we need to reset those devices.
Customer: Ok. Can you hold then? Im just gonna go to the other side of the street to my daughter's house to turn the router and the modem off!
Uh-oh!
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agent talking to a physically challenged customer. . . she has a maid, named Maria, who helped her with the powercycling. . . no connection still. . . but by this time customer sent maid to an errand downstairs. . .
now it so happens, Customer has a router, no home networking service. . . agent suggested to bypass the router. . . Customer agreed. . . feeling confident and not-so-physically-challenged. . . Customer says she will try switching the connections herself. . . agent agress to wait. . . after about 2-3 minutes. . . there was a thud. . . and then Customer is heard shouting. . . "MARIA! MARIA!!! CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME! I GOT MYSELF ALL TIED UP HERE!!!" . . . hehehe!!! I know I'm mean, but how else would I react to the situation. . .
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Customer calls in. . . frantic. . . does not know what to do. . . panicking. . she could barely put her thoughts into words. . . does not know how to explain to agent what is happening. . . . says she thought that if she has cable, is she not supposed to be online ALL THE TIME??!!! agent agrees, says that is technically correct. . . Customer says, in a really annoying tone. . . "WELL THEN HOW COME I DON'T HAVE INTERNET CONNECTION RIGHT NOW?!!"
agent: " is your computer directly connected to the modem?"
Customer: yes. . . and I'm using a LAPTOP. . .
agent: did you see an error message before you lost internet connection?
Customer: come to think of it. . . yes. . . it said something like "battery is low, recharge battery. . ."
agent: then what happened next?
Customer: then all of a sudden, (AND THIS SHE SAID LIKE IN A . . . WHAT-THE-HELL-HAPPENED-IS-MY-LAPTOP-POSSESSED kind of tone). . . THE SCREEN WENT BLACK. . . and no matter what I click on. . .nothing happens?!!
agent: did you recharge the battery alreaDy?
Customer: No. . . why? am I suppossed to do that? am i not supposed to be online all the time?
so. . . I went ahead and had to explain how cellphone will not work if battery has no power anymore. . . customer now understood. . . and compared it with the concept of laptop . . . Haaayzz!!!! The calls that we get!!!
And another one. Credits to whoever uploaded it.
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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Customer:: "I'm having t rouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$ Angry
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Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
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Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?
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