Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)
Tech Support:: "Well then we can't-"
Customer:: "It says 'no dial tone'."
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-"
Customer:: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through."
Tech Support:: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me."
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."
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Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
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Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
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Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
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Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
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Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
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Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk.
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy disk inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready.
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
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agent: i want you to type cd\ and hit the enter key
eu: where is the \?
agent: it's above the enter key
eu: where is the enter key?
agent: (huh?) it's located at the blah.. blah.. blah..
eu: ok, ok.
agent: now i want you to type netsh..
eu: ok, let me read it back to you netsh.. reset c, c, c (after a about 10 secs, eu doesn't know how to say colon) c and the rest
agent: c:\resetlog.txt.. alright, now hit the enter key
eu: file could not be found..
agent: just to make sure, let me spell it out phonetically.. blah, blah, blah
eu: i'm sure i typed it in correctly
agent: i don't mean to..
eu: let me read it to you again! blah, blah, blah..
agent: if you typed it in correctly then i don't think you will get any error
eu: i told you i typed it in correctly!
agent: i'm sorry sir, i don't mean to offend you and don't get me wrong but..
eu: i know what i'm doing!
agent Angry : ok! did you press the shift key when you typed in the colon symbol?
eu: should i?
agent: (sigh) yes! (mute- open your window, tie the ethernet cable on your neck and throw it out of the window!)
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agent: Sir, I've been telling you this for the seventh (presses the mute button) freakin (releases mute) time... This is dial up tech support. We don't book flights!
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Actual c0nversati0n sa isang technicaL acc0unt sa C-Cubed (Cust0mer C0ntact Center) habang nakabarge sa bidang agent na it0 yung seni0r rep ng team niLa:
TSR: 0kay sir, Let's check if y0u wiLL be abLe t0 g0 0nLine n0w...
CUST: yes... (yes Lang ng yes kase et0ng HAPON na it0... )
TSR: type in www.yahoo.com
CUST: what? yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... yahoo.com...
CUST: yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... com... C-O-M
CUST: cot?
TSR: (asar na) .com sir!
CUST: aahhh... yahoo.cot.
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CS: Thank you for calling... this is Candy, how may I help you?
Cust: What did you say your name was... Mandy?
CS: No, sir, it's Candy...
Cust: Sorry, can't hear ya... didja say Mandy?
CS: No, sir.. Candy, sir... Candy... as in Storck!!!
(oohhh... now I get it!!!)
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CS: Was that a "B" as in boy or a "B" as in bravo?
Cust: Uhhmmm... how about "B" as in boy...
(good choice...)
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CS: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Cust (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra!!! like the one in the Goo?!!!... Gusme... Gon't gou get git?)
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CS: Yeah, sir... sir... are you there?
Cust: Yes, yes, I'm there!
(siguro naglalaro sila ng Counter...)
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CS: Sir, do you have NET-ESCAPE there?
Cust: Huh?... Oh!!!.. No, I have MSN IN-NERNET EXPLODER here...
(... makes sense to me!!!)
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TS: Ok, sir... do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Cust: What?!!
TS: Oh, Im sorry, sir... Do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?...
(klap! klap! klap!)
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