CALL CENTER SPOOFS PART 5

im working in a call center as a QA and ofcourse as a QA i get to listen to calls agents, one funny story i can share is: i have a newly hired agent and as a newly hired i need to listen to his calls and coach him about the opportunities that i observed in his calls, i was able to listen to his 5 calls and i observed that he would usually ask his customers ” where did you bought…” so what i did i coached him on how he can have a good call handling skills and commented that the proper sentence structure to his favorite line would be ” where did you buy….” i advised him that if he is not ok with my suggestion he can just look for or think of words that he can replace by and he said ok, i asked him to take calls again and the guess what he asked to his customer ” where did you PURCHASED….” he really did look for a new term but still in past tense.

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here's another one, while one of our QAs was listening to his agents call, he was laughing his out because guess why?:

here’s the conversation btw the customer and the CSR…

CSR: would you mind to spell that out for me sir? and kindly use phonetics, thanks

Customer: ok, here you go.. its Davis Quilt

D-david

a-apple

v- violet

i- india

s- smith and for my last name its

Q- cucumber

and before the custoemr can continue the agent interrupted..

CSR: what was that again sir, Q as in what?

Customer: cucumber…

CSR: Sir cucumber starts with C not with Q.. so is it C as in Cucumber or Q as in Queen…

Customer: Ahhhh, ic… Its c as in cucumber…

see its not always the filipinos who commits mistakes when it comes to english.
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got another joke to add from my days as a tech support rep when fixing networking/Internet issues.. a phonetics joke passed around in one of the companies i worked for..

TS: okay.. do we have the black screen up now? (referring to the command prompt screen)

Customer: yes

TS: okay.. lets type in there, all in one word, ipconfig-

Customer: (interrupting) -wait.. how do you spell that?

TS: IPCONFIG, sir..

it’s I as in India,

P as in Peter,

C as in Charlie,

O as in Orlando,

F as in Frank,

I as in India again, and

G as in Jesus!

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Telesales agent getting the customer’s

credit card info:

Agent: Can I have your expiration

date, sir?

Customer: My what?!!

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Telesales agent giving promo spiels:

Agent: You called at the right time,

ma’am. We have a lot of freebies to give

away, such as free installation, free

equipment, and free DVD player. That’s a

great offer, di ba?

Customer: huh?!

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TSR: It's C as in CAT.

CUST: what?

TSR: C as in CAT. C-A-T... me0w me0w...

(ayuz! very specific na yan ha baka hindi m0 pa magets...)!

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ethernet cord connected???...

Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with alabama accent)

TS: Yung yellow cord, mheem...

(oh-oow ngee nehmeeennn..)

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CS: ...That's E as in I-KOW... (echo)

(oki lang yan, Dong...)

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CS: Come again, sir?!!!

Cust: Oh sure, baby!!!

(negro siguro kausap neto...)

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TS: Ok, sir, this is ano... what you'll do... you have to type the ano...the command run and ano...

(...teypows enow???)

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Cust: So, do i have to wait for advice regarding the delivery?

CS: Sir, the package has been delivered and all we have to do is wait POR FICK UP schedule...

(... I can PEEL it!!!)

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CS: I w! as hoping you can take this survey with me... Would you have the time to do that, sir?

Contact: How long is this gonna to take?

CS: Mmm.. MGA three minutes....

(ay shyet!!!)

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CS: ...I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please???

Contact: He's not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?

CS: Sure, SIGE...

(ay shyet, ulet!!!)

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local client kaya mostly pinoy and callers, usually from visayas...

Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???...

CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?

Cust: Hende naman...

CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?

Cust: Ang alen?

CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?

Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!

CS: Di ba wala pong ring?

Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!...

CS: aahhh... yung BILL?!!!

(hende kase nagve-verefie mabote... tsk, tsk, tsk...)

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TS: Ok, sir... Could you please drag the icon UPSTAIRS?...

(... lemme try...)

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Cust (US): So how's the weather there?

CS: Well... it's kinda cloudy today, sir...

Cust: Oh really?!!!... So where are you located?

CS: Sir, your call has been re-routed in ORTIGAS!!!...

(... dats nir Mexico...)

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my previous teammate. after getting the service tag and verifying it agent said "that would be A for alpha, D for ****..." After putting the customer on hold for several seconds agent said "haller! thanks for waiting..."
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TSR: Click Start button, go to "Run".

CUST: How far should I run?

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TSR: Please close all Windows.

CUST: Do I still need to close the blinds?
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CSR: Thank you for calling (company). CanI have your order or customer number please?

Customer (irate): I am going to smash this computer into your face!

CSR: Is that a desktop or laptop?

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"O ma'am, can I put you on hold for about 2 months? I have to talk with my supervisor with this."

Called a customer service number once and when I didn’t get satisfaction, I ask for a supervisor.

The reply” There aren’t any here.”

“Well, can I speak to the Call center manager?’ I asked.

“There isn’t one.”

“Well when can I call when one will be around?”

“We don’t have any managers.” the rep replied.

“Sounds like a great place to work. How do I apply for a job?”

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CSR: So, you want to reset your password? Is this correct?

Cust: Yes.

CSR: Would you like to set your own password or would you like me to give you a generic password.

Cust: Uhmm.. just give me a generic one.

CSR: Alright. I have reset your password. Your new password will be... let me spell it out for you. That's K as in Kilo ... A as in apple....M as in mama.... O as in October..... T as in tango.... and E as in Echo

Cust: "Kamowt?" . That's a cool password. I'll never forget this. All right. Everything is working.

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tech support: ok sir, can u pls type cmd on the run field

client: what?!!!

tech support: cmd sir

client: (irate!) WHAT IS THAT?!!!

tech support: ok!!! c as in CLIENT, m as in MUST and d as in DIE (ngaiks!!!) hehehe

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